I suffered an awkward situation at work where a fellow team member and I entered adjacent bathroom cubicles at the same time. We acknowledged each other but once inside, there was no talking…only a mortified silence and the burdensome task of suppressing bodily noises.
Filled with gas, I just wanted to grip that toilet bowl and let her rip, but instead I carefully exhausted tiny pockets of air over an embarrassingly long period of time so as not to shock the person next to me…and even at that I wasn’t successful. Instead of a short and glorious fanfare, I entertained my bathroom buddy with a long and carefully controlled hiss of exhaust intermingled with the odd squeak and honk. Completely unsatisfied, my mind drifted to a world free of unnatural inhibitions (cue inspiring music), a place where professional conversations are maintained uninterrupted while straining under the pressure of a seriously noisy movement, a place where people develop deep respect for those who unleash their fury unfettered by reprisal! This, my friends, is the dream of living loud and proud! (crescendo)
My business complete, I rose from the throne and carefully assembled myself. Gracefully, I opened the door into the bright lights and strode slowly and proudly to the sink. After drying my hands and with a smile on my face, I paid homage to that dream as I walked out the door. (standing ovation with wild applause)